I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
