before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
