You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
