i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
