Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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