His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
