How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
