I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
