Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
