Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
