I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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