you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
