Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Everyone says I win the strip club
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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