i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
