My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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