Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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