Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
