you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
