Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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