Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
