I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
