no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
