I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
