Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
