gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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