her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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