i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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