Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
