Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
