I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
