After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
