if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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