considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
