I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
