I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
