I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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