Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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