We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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