Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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