remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
