she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish there were birth control emojis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
