Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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