blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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