Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
