ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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