R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
