Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize