Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
