I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
