Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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