four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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