is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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