There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
