I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
