so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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