i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
