Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
