you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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