haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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