I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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