I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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