Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need water and some morals
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
