So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
