Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
