Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
