I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
