You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
