some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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