ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize